Time is a healer
by The Cigar
Summary: This is set right after the end in Gone With The Wind. We follow Scarlett in her further journey towards becoming the woman she want's to be and getting back the love of her life...
1. Chapter 1 - Regards from hell

**Chapter 1: Regards from hell... **

_Hi, this is kind of my first fan fiction, so yeah.. It's set right after GWTW ends. I'm not fluent in English as i'm from Denmark, so if there's any mayor grammatical errors then that's why - well also if there's any small grammatical errors... yeah anyway enjoy! And please review if you feel like it!_

Each step on the staircase felt like a stab in the heart, like a final blow who'd knock her over – each time his foot took a step he went further and further away from her. Soon he would be gone; gone like Melanie, gone like Bonnie, gone like… his love. He'd loved her – it felt as unreal as the fact that he now was leaving her. His love for her lay in the past now together with her own ignorance and childish fantasy about Ashley. She'd always praised herself for seeing reality in it's true and rough self, but looking back now she knew that she'd been as blind as Ashley. Her charming fair-haired prince from Twelve Oaks had begun to rot away revealing her true hearts desire – the swarthy pirate. It was such an irony how she and Ashley had shared a fantasy love throughout their entire life, and here was the fallout for their blurred reality. Solitude. This was such a brutal lesson; one of those that only life could give. How God had to be laughing at her now; this was the punishment for all of her wrongdoings. It had to be…

Her mesmerized eyes followed his figure as he disappeared at the top of the stairs – she wanted nothing more than to run to him and beg him to stay. Cry her eyes out, shout at him, hit him, and kiss him… Her feelings was in uproar; anger replacing sadness replacing loneliness replacing love replacing forgiveness; all leaving her in a numb state where time didn't seem to move. How could she make him stay? How could she make him love her again? What was she to do now? The sound of the door closing snapped her out of her numb state; the restlessness in her mind and body forced her to move. And she found herself running up the stairs taking two steps at the time her skirts flying up around her and her hair loosening itself from her bun. She reached his door, and pushed it open with such force that it smashed into the wall leaving an ear-shattering sound. Her green cat eyes found his - dark and bloodshot.

"What do you want, Scarlett?" not a smart remark, no mocking - just a cold, slightly annoyed voice.

"I…" she faltered as she looked into his eyes; an endless blackness and emptiness roared in them. He looked so tired, nothing like the swarthy pirate she'd met at Twelve Oaks; this was a broken man overwhelmed by grief. Could she really beg him to stay if he'd only drink himself to death? Could she ask him to stay with a wife he didn't love – in a house filled with the memories of their dead daughter? There wasn't anything left to say. He wanted to leave, and now he was leaving. She sighed. "I only wanted to say goodbye…" she said; her voice was slightly trembling but otherwise calm. He raised an eyebrow.

"No throwing with vases?" he questioned.

"Rhett, I…" she sighed deeply trying to steady her voice, "I… I'm going over to the Wilkes' place just… I promised them that I'd be back soon to help… I just wanted to say goodbye, to say that I'm sorry for… everything…" she faltered again, and bit her lip to stop it's trembling, "I won't beg you to stay no matter how much I want you to. If you believe it's for the best that you go then so be it, I wont force you to stay here only to see you drink yourself to death… I…" this time she couldn't hide neither her tears or trembling voice. The tears streamed down her cheeks, and blurred her sight. She cursed herself for seeming so weak; this would be how Rhett would remember her – sobbing like a little girl. _Just get it over with, afterwards you can cry, _she thought to herself as she took three quick steps forward so she was standing in front of him. While looking into his eyes she whispered: "I _really_ do love you," he didn't react; not even his eyes flickered. She shook her head gently before placing her soft lips on his rough cheek. It was a little kiss that spoke of apology, love and goodbye. She slowly removed her lips leaving his cheek wet from both her lips and tears. He still remained silent standing stiff like a statue as if he only waited for her to disappear. His indifferent broke her last self-possession, and her shoulders began shaking as she sobbed. She stepped backwards while her lips formed the words _goodbye. _As she was about to turn, his voice sounded.

"Scarlett…" he said and took a step towards her, but she just shook her head, and put a hand out.

"I don't want your pity, Rhett" she managed to stutter before she turned around and ran out the door…

…

She ran out the front door not bothering to close it or caring if anyone saw her in her distress. There was only the need to get away and to keep on moving. She'd just have to suppress her pain until she'd have the time to deal with it – until she was back at Tara. Yes, at Tara she would allow herself to cry, but not now, because right now she had to keep on going – she had to arrange Melanie's funeral, take care of Ashley and Beau and tell her children. The thought of telling them that Melanie was dead was so horrible. The death of their favorite aunt – the loving and caring Melanie that had seemed more as a mother to them than Scarlett ever had, and then the departure of their loving stepfather, it would shake them deeply. From this day of they'd only have her… Their cold and unfeeling mother that was no better than a cat. Oh why did God need to take Melanie? Why did he take such a sweet, young and innocent woman, when the world was filled with cruel and uncaring people? She couldn't see the purpose of God if he only cared about taking the best of people, and letting the worst remain. Like the Yankees and Scallywags why did they get to live when Melanie, her mother, father, Bonnie and all the South's young men had to die. What purpose did that serve?

…

She slowed her pace when she saw the Wilke's house allowing herself to catch her breath. Sweat glistered to her forehead, and her hair had come undone; it was tangled around her shoulders looking like a shawl. Some of the restlessness that had roared in her body had fated by running, but she still felt distressed. "I must look like a mad woman" she whispered, and began composing herself – arranging her hair at her back and wiping the sweat off. Then she sighed deeply before entering the home of the Wilkes. As she opened the door she was met by a bunch of begging eyes all of them filled with anguish and all of them waiting for her command. Scarlett felt as she had back at Tara during the war; she was once again the person everyone depended upon and drew their strength from. Her nightmare began again…

…

The funeral had been beautiful, if you could even say such thing; Scarlett couldn't see the beauty in burying such a young woman in the ground, but the amount of mourners were touching and the flowers, songs and words had indeed been beautiful – and expensive, she silently added. It had now been five days since Melly's death and Rhett's leaving, and somehow her world had kept on going. The days had been filled with doings, and by keeping busy and drinking a lot of Brandy she'd managed without shedding more tears. Of course that had only caused people to call her cold and unfeeling; saying she didn't really cared for Melanie. Scarlett had just ignored the remarks though she secretly fantasized about slapping every single man and woman of The Old Guard.

Rhett had already left when she'd returned from the Wilke's; of that she hadn't been surprised though she'd been surprised by finding a letter from him. The letter said:

_Dear Scarlett _

_I apologize for leaving you in such distress and with such a bad timing. I hope you'll give my condolences at the funeral and tell Wade and Ella that I love them. I've talked with Henry as well as the bank and you have nothing to fear regarding to your financial situation. _

_Best regards _

_- Rhett Butler _

Scarlett had been so angry at his hard and unfeeling words after her declaration of her love for him, that she'd ripped the letter to pieces and thrown it into the fire. "I send you my best regards from hell, your bastard," she'd shouted not caring if the staff heard her. She hated that he'd seen her so weak, and though she'd meant every word that she'd said, she regretted them as well. After his letter it was clearly that he didn't feel a thing for her, and hadn't understood her at all. "_I apologize for leaving you in such distress…" _she wasn't just in distress, she was broken, devastating and without any happiness beside the calm feeling she god at the bottom of the bottle. She'd lost everything, and he'd asked her to send his regards and love to the children. Never mind she knew that he'd needed to leave and needed time, now she wished that she'd thrown a damn vase at him, and unleashed all of her anger… And as she sat in the train on her way to Tara where her children were, she began writing a letter to him – a letter to Rhett Butler…


	2. Chapter 2 - A coward with a pride

**Chapter 2 - A coward with a pride... **

_Hi! First of all I just wanted to thank all of those who've reviewed - I've just now realized how much reviews mean. It makes one happy to know that people are taking an interest in your story. I don't know how to answer your reviews individually/personally that's why I decided to just thank you here in the authors note - in case you wondered... Anyhow this is the second chapter - it's rather short, but I intend to make the third chapter longer... I hope you like it, and as always then I'd appreciate reviews. _

She scribbled down the last words as the conductor announced that the next station would be Jonesboro. Carefully she folded the paper and tucked it inside of her coat. Through the corner of her eyes she caught a glimpse of the man to her left; he'd been staring at her throughout the entire trip, and though she found it eerie, she couldn't bring herself to say something. Fact was that he probably found her even more eerie as she'd whispered cusswords and stamped with her foot while writing her letter to Rhett. Not to mention that she was without escort. "A mad woman without manners" she mused to herself.

As soon as she got off the train she could see Will; he was standing by the wagon waving with his hand and chewing on a straw. The familiar sight send a thrill through her stomach, and before giving it any further thought, she picked up her skirts and ran towards him throwing herself into his arms as if she'd been a child.

"Oh Will," she exclaimed, "How I've missed you" she hugged him fiercely as to make sure he was real and still remaining. Will hadn't crumbled away, hadn't left her - he was here looking like he'd always done.

"I've missed you too," he said as he loosened her fierce grip around his shoulders and put her down on the ground. He studied her face; she looked tired beyond years – she'd dark circles under her bloodshed eyes, and her pale face held a shade of grey, "How are you holding up?" concern evident in his voice.

"Oh, let's not talk about that now, Will" she pleaded, "Can we please just hurry back to Tara – I wish to feel the red soil in my hands, and sleep in my old room" he nodded clearly understanding, as he always had, and gestured towards the wagon.

"I'll go and get the luggage, just wait here" she gave him the best smile she could manage; one that could barely be called a smile, but nonetheless Will noticed. As Will disappeared into the crowd of people a cold wind blew. Scarlett shuddered and pulled the coat closer to her body causing the paper in her pocket to scratch. She fiddled for the letter in her pocket and received it. Holding it up against the light of the day her handwriting seemed worse than in the train, but nevertheless it was readable, and that was all that mattered. She decided to reread the letter before asking Will to take her to the post-office in Jonesboro as she intended to send the letter today…

_Dear Rhett _

_It's a rarely thing for the two of us to correspond by letter – in fact I don't think that it's ever been the case, anyhow I guess that's how it's going to be from now and we might as well practice. I'll try to use the same stiff and brief account as you did in your last letter. Though I fear I have more on my mind than I would be able to express in a three-lined letter. First of all you didn't leave me in distress you left me broken and shattered to pieces; though you shall not fear, contrary to you, I'm capable of mending together broken pieces and I'll be just fine. As for your timing you needn't apologize, by now I've gotten used to your rather abrupt leavings, and this time you even had the time to say goodbye and tell me where you were going. Indeed an improvement. Second of all I found it rather silly to give your condolences to Ashley, as I know you despise him, therefore I didn't… Third of all if you truly loved the children you wouldn't leave them with a mother there's no better than a cat - your very own words regarding my parenting skills. Therefor if you wish to show them your love then you can come right back home and do so. And at last I just want to clarify that I'll take no charity, and therefor I will not need your money. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and will not give people the impression that I only married you for the money. If I should ever get into great financial problems then there's always the solution that I turn our house into a whorehouse – such a shameful place should give a splendid income - I guess your dear friend Belle is a proof upon that, and maybe it would tempt you to come back. After all I think you've spend more nights at Belles than you ever did at our house… Anyhow I hope you sober up!_

- _Scarlett _

She sighed deeply. The compassion she'd felt towards Rhett at the night of Melly's death had now faded leaving behind a luring anger that threatened to explode at any given time. Rhett Butler was a coward pure and simple – a fact she'd just recently been able to comprehend. He'd loved her for God knows how many years, yet he'd never truly told her. How was she to know? He'd always hidden himself behind remarks, jokes and mocking, and she'd taken him for only wanting her body not her mind. He'd claimed that she was brutal to those who loved her, but here he applied double standards, because wasn't it him being brutal towards her love? She'd poured out her soul to him – she'd let him go out of love for him, and he'd only left a mocking letter claiming she was in distress. Distress? Did he take her love declaration as a result of her despair? Didn't he truly believe her? No matter what then he hadn't only mocked her love – he'd mocked her children and Melly's love as well – as the only father figure they'd ever known he'd left her children and he hadn't attended Melly's funeral. Scarlett's own faults had begun to dawn for her together with the fact that Rhett Butler was a coward, and she intended to give him a peace of her mind. That starting with _this_ letter…

"Be careful otherwise you're going to crumple it" Scarlett was snapped out of her thoughts and looked up at Will.

"Huh?"

"The letter… in your hand" he nodded towards her hands that had formed into fists slightly crumpling the letter.

"Oh" she said loosening her grip, "Uhm… Did you get my luggage?"

"Yep, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah…I…" she faltered.

"I thought you were in a hurry to get back to Tara and the children?"

"Oh I am, Will. I just need to send this letter first, do you think we could drive by the post office?" he nodded and gestured towards the wagon.

"Yup, not a problem at all. Let's get go then"

As soon as Scarlett had posted the letter she'd felt all of her sleepless nights creep up upon her, and sleep would have claimed her in the middle of the post-office if it hadn't been for the fact that she was on her way to Tara, her safe-place. The reason thereupon dawned on her as she and Will strolled down the roads of Clayton County; the energy that'd kept her going for the last five days had grown from her anger towards Rhett, and as she'd posted the letter some of this anger had disappeared taking with it her last spare of energy…

Scarlett's head nodded in step with the wagons rocking – her eyes kept on dropping and she kept on forcing them open once again; her mind wanting to take in the homely sight of Clayton County and her body trying to claim her lost sleep.

"Ya tired?" Will asked.

"I feel like I could sleep for days" she exclaimed causing Will to chuckle.

"We're soon there, and then…" abruptly Scarlett stood up in the wagon silencing Will.

"Will, Will… we're here! Drive faster! I can see Tara now. I can see Tara"

"Fine, fine! Sit down then" he chuckled. Scarlett obeyed and seated herself again, her drowsiness disappearing as she gazed at her childhood home – her fathers pride, and now hers as well. Here she would restore her energy, cry her tears and plan her future - a future with or without Rhett…


	3. Chapter 3 - promises in the dark

**Chapter 3 – Promises in the dark…**

_Author note: Hi, first of all thank you for the wonderful reviews! Here's chapter 3 - I hope you like it! And as always reviews are very, very welcome. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Gone With the Wind, the story and all its wonderful characters belong to MM. _

The wagon rolled through the brown fenced gates and unto the pebble gravel path leading up to the white house. Dusk had fallen, and Scarlett

could just vaguely pint out one tall figure standing on the porch surrounded by three smaller figures, likely to be Suellen and the three

children.

"Mommy," she heard Ella shriek as she saw one of the smaller figures running towards the wagon.

"I'll just take it from here, Will" Scarlett said and he slowed the wagons pace making it able for her to jump. As soon as her feet hit the ground she lifted up her skirts and ran towards the house. Ella met her halfway, and though Scarlett rarely showed affection towards her children, then she welcomed Ella's slight frame into her arms; her black ebony hair blended with Ella's read curls as they hugged. Scarlett planted a quick peck on her little girl's forehead before removing the small arms that had crept up around her waist.

"Mommy, mommy! Is it true Melly is in dead? Is it true?"

"Hush now, Ella" Scarlett said already feeling a creasing irritation towards her, _now_, youngest child; "we'll talk about everything once we're in the house" With a hand on Ella's back they walked up towards the house, and when within a reach of 10 feet Wade stepped down from the porch to great his mother as well.

"Hi… _sweetheart_" She said before planting a quick peck on Wade's forehead. The boy seemed as shy as he'd always done; looking just like Charles as he stood watching her with his large brown eyes, "how… have you've been here at Tara?"

"They've been a rather dead-weight on my daily routines. You know Scarlett, we have plenty of doings without you dumping your children here…" Scarlett glanced over Wade's shoulder and found Suellen standing with crossed arms looking discontented. Anger swelled up in her.

"Great balls of fire, Suellen. Don't you ever get tired of being such an… ungrateful brat" Scarlett spat, "I worked until I dropped during the war so you could have food on the table, clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in, and now _you_ complain… Well I'm not sorry if my children prevented you for going on a few neighbor visits to drink tea and eat cake. It probably did you good – you've swelled up to the size of an elephant" that wasn't exactly true; yes Suellen had gained weight, but it was most likely due to pregnancy instead of cakes. Nonetheless Scarlett knew that vanity was a sore spot with Suellen.

"You… you…. Oh if Mom had been here…"

"She would have agreed with me, Suellen. Mother was never as lazy as you…"

"Hmpf… well she wasn't a gold-digger either"

"And what's that suppose to mean?"

"Oh you know just well what I mean, Scarlett. You've never married for love. Well only if you count your love for money…"

"If this is about Frank, I swear that…"

"Now, now ladies" Will cut them off, "Suellen, your sister has had a couple of rough days, why don't you go inside and make sure her bed is made?" Suellen snorted displeased as she turned on her heels on went into the house.

"You have to tell me your secret, Will. I've never been able to get Suellen to do a single thing in her entire life…" Scarlett said; her voice loaded with sarcasm. Will just shook his head as he stepped forward and ruffled Wade's hair.

"I'm sorry. She only gets this way around you, Scarlett. But I promise she's been good to the children" Wade and Ella nodded reluctantly - afraid of their mothers reaction regarding their concord.

"Oh never mind Will. You needn't apology on Suellen's behalf" Scarlett told him, "She's always been _this _way… ", Spoiled completely rotten, she silently added "anyhow where's Mammy? I would like to say…" Will grimaced slightly, "Oh god, Will, please say Mammy's okay, please say… Is she sick, is she…" he shook his head, and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Easy, Scarlett, calm down… She's visiting people in Savannah. I just hoped she would return in time for your arrival… But I guess we can expect her soon, I sent her a telegram three days ago telling her of Mrs. Wilkes, and the children being her at Tara. And I'll bet my hat she's on her way in this very second. She'd like to be here for you and the children"

"So… she's not sick?"

"Well… she is old, sure, and her time…" Will looked at Scarlett's tired eyes and decided he'd better leave that conversation alone for now, "but now she's just visiting people in Savannah. Don't you worry, Scarlett" She nodded slowly, and then frowned.

"Wait, Savannah you say? Great balls of fire what's she doing there? And then by herself…" Will shrugged.

"Don't know"

"Oh never mind, I'll figure it out. Now I'd like to see my old bedroom"

"Sure I'll take the bags, but ya might consider…" he nodded towards her two children, Wade and Ella, who stood a couple feet behind them glancing.

"Will, I don't understand… Oh" it suddenly dawned on her; she'd have to tell them of Melly…

…..

They were seated in the living room around the coffee table – the children opposite of Will and Scarlett; everyone was looking in different directions – at the old grandfather clock, the decrepit wallpaper, the untouched tea tray, as they waited for Scarlett's confirmation of Melanie's death. She'd been deliberating the best way to break the news and had now come the conclusion that Melanie would remain dead no matter what she said; therefore she might as well just say it. Scarlett cleared her throat bringing the attention towards her.

"Your Aunt Melly died here five days ago" she said, clear and simple, nothing to mistaken.

There was a short silence where Wade's eyes widened and became moist with tears before Ella's voice sounded – content, not a sting of sadness:

"Mom, can she please bring Bonnie when she returns from dead?" Wade turned his head rapidly towards Ella.

"Are you stupid Ella? Bonnie won't return nor will Melly. They're dead. It's final… We'll never see them again; ever… that's what death is, Ella. It's the end – there is _no_ going back…" Scarlett stifled a gasp; she'd never heard her son talk with such harsh words, and then - of all people, to his little sister. The innocent and big eyes of Charles had been replaced by two screwed up eyes flaming with… the thought slipped as Scarlett saw Wade stand up and run for the door.

"Wade, don't…" she tried saying, but it was too late; he was already out the door.

"I'll check on him," Will said rising from the coach, "You'll…" he gestured towards Ella, whose eyes had become tearful as well. Oh what a mess! Now Ella was crying too, and Scarlett had never been an expert in comforting her children – or anyone in particular. If only Melly had been here… but no, she shouldn't – and wouldn't, think like that. Melanie was gone, and now Scarlett simply had to pull herself together.

"Ella what's the matter?" Scarlett said trying to keep a gentle voice, "Is this about… Bonnie and Melly? Or was it Wade?" Ella looked up at her mother with a tearstained face.

"But… he… he…" Ella faltered as she started bawling; remembering how her mother would take her in her arms, when she was little girl, Scarlett reached for Ella and pulled her little redheaded daughter up on her lap.

"What did he do, Ella? … Ella? …. Ella?" Scarlett shook her head; there was no point in asking anymore, Ella's sobbing made it too difficult for her to speak. And quit frankly Scarlet didn't mind. It was easier just holding her little daughter while caressing her hair, instead of saying wise and comforting words. Besides Scarlett liked feeling the warmth from such tight embrace. Hugs had become such a rarely thing for her…

…..

Dinner had been brief. Conversation had revolved around the various topics of crops, the neighbors and the weather while Scarlett and Suellen

had exchanged sulky glances. Wade had been tremendously quit, but Ella had been happy again and if not for her ruddy face then you

wouldn't have guessed she'd cried. Afterwards Suellen had tucked the children in, and Scarlett had gone to bed as well, but not before

snatching a bottle of Brandy from the drinks cabinet without nobody noticing. She'd felt fairly silly sneaking around in her own house, but she

wouldn't for all in the world give Suellen the satisfaction of seeing her with such un-lady-like-manners. Now she lay in her bed in her old room

with the bottle of Brandy between her hands. She'd drunken a quarter of the bottle, but still sleep wouldn't claim her; it kept lurking on the

edges of her mind, but whenever she thought it would strike thoughts and memories overwhelmed her and left her in-between, restless and

slumbering. Scarlett sipped another drop of Brandy and the burning feeling gave her peace for a second or two, before memories

overwhelmed her; memories of Bonnie, Rhett, Ellen, Pa, Melanie…. Oh if Melly had been here, then she could have comforted the children.

Melanie had been such a natural mom as if she'd been born to take care of children, just not to carry them… If Only Scarlett had known of

Melanie's silly desires for yet another child then perhaps she could have prevented it, talked her out of it, or talked Ashley out of it. How could

he have been so careless? Why hadn't he just put his food down? Gods nightgown, he'd _known _how weak she was… It was now completely

clear for Scarlett what a blind fool Ashley was, so lost in the old world he couldn't even walk up straight in the new. But what was worse was

that she'd been an even blinder fool; she'd been holding on to her childhood fantasy about Prince Charming with the fair hair and the white

horse since she was fourteen – half of her life, and now even that had gone. Even her stupid fantasy had left her. She was alone now with two

bawling children whom she hardly knew. Ella liked to talk and to play with dolls, and Wade liked to read – that was it, her only knowledge of

their interests… If only Bonnie had been the one to live, and then… Scarlett pushed the thought away; it was blasphemy, and her mother

would turn in her grave if she knew Scarlett thought such horrible thoughts. Oh, how she hated those hours of the night where she lay alone

in her bed; where she couldn't run from her thoughts and memories; where she was trapped. A deep sigh left her before she gurgled some

more Brandy. If Ellen could see Scarlett now she would be tremendously disappointed in her.

"I'm sorry Ma" she whispered out into the darkness, "I'm sorry I've been such a disappointment, but I promise I'll be better now. I'll be a better mother - I intend to show Wade and Ella love, even if I have to fake it… And I'll get Tara back on track. You can tell Pa that Tara by my hand will return to its former glory no matter the cost" Scarlett nodded slowly as to reassure herself; yes indeed she would get Tara back on track. Her fathers pride would once shine again… With a dull smile she put the bottle to her lips and drank…

_Author note/question: Does anyone know Wade and Ellas precise age? I've guessed it to be about 6-7 for Ella and 12 for Wade, does that match up? And does anyone know if Careen sold her share of Tara to the church in Gone With The Wind, or if it's only Ripleys novel "Scarlett" that claims that? _


	4. Chapter 4 - not the expected welcome

**Chapter 4: Not the expected welcome **

_Disclaimer: I just remembered i'd forgotten this in the previously chapters. But I don't own GWTW or any of its lovely, lovely characters. That belongs to MM and her estate.  
><em>

_Author note: Yes, so here's chapter 4. Please tell me what you think, I would really appreciate it. And thanks to all of those who've reviewed, as said, I really appreciate it. And extra thanks to those who helped me figure out Wade and Ella's age... In this chapter i've tried using some dialect, but I hardly think it would be considered correct haha. As I read GWTW in danish and i'm not fluent in English i'm sure there'll be a lot of mistakes in the accent/dialect thing - so please do tell if you have some corrections. I'd like to improve. Anyway enjoy! _

The following weeks at Tara went on; the days were bright and filled with doings, the nights were dark - a long dragged twist and turn as memories filled the

silence. Scarlett would whisper to herself in the night only to think about it tomorrow, but her thoughts wouldn't disappear; they claimed her as a landlord

claims his pay, no deferring, it was here and it was now. Only the booze was able to give her peace, and due to that, she drank every night. Nobody commented

on the missing bottles in the drinks cabinet, but it nagged Scarlett this feeling of dependence and lack of control. Her thoughts whirled around the cause of

events and the "_what if…" _This retrospect and second doubts infuriated her because she hated looking back to scrutinize, and even more she hated self-

doubting. Her nightmares had returned, and now they came more rapidly than ever; the mist still present, though now Scarlett knew what she was looking for,

she just wasn't able to reach it. She wasn't able to reach him, her swathing pirate, Rhett. Oh, how she missed him horrible in those dreading nights – his big

strong arms that used to hold her close and his demanding kisses that'd made her dizzy. Yet, she hated herself for wanting him so desperately; that there

wouldn't go a day by without her longing for him. He was supposed to love her. He had loved her. He would love her again. Indeed he would love her again;

there hadn't yet been a man that Scarlett couldn't charm. But it would be on her premise now. He would return, because of that he'd promised, and when he

did, she'd give him a peace of her mind. Too much blame had been laid upon her shoulders and, as far as she knew, there were two in a marriage. Two people.

And Rhett had played his fair part in the decline of their marriage. Sure she was no innocent, she acknowledged that, but she wanted to give them a chance.

Was ready to let the past be the past. But he was no mender, or so he'd said. If only she knew how that sarcastic and concealing brain of his worked. Perhaps he

still loved her? Or maybe the ridiculous amounts of whiskey had made him a genuine nutcase… the thought amused her, but just slightly. He needed time, she

knew that, but why did he then have to leave that awful note? As if she was nothing more than a workmate. _Best regards… _ha! Even his workmates would

receive a less polite letter. The note had been so damn polite; it was clearly meant as an insult. _Leave you in distress… nothing to fear regarding your financial _

_situation… _As if she was no better than a whore – as if she'd only wanted him for his money. Damn him. The very last words on her lips every night just before

the brandy put her to sleep. _Damn him…_

…...

As the first rays of sunshine fell on Scarlett's forehead, her eyes opened. It was another day, another day not to be wasted. And Scarlett indented to do as she'd

done every other day back at Tara; she would rise and occupy herself every possible minute. No glooming thoughts would endure her during waking hours, only

thoughts of progress and action. Scarlett went to her vanity table, rang with the bell and began brushing her hair. The last couple of weeks she'd done her very

best to bond with her children; she'd been out riding with Wade, telling him old tales of Clayton County, and she'd been playing the piano with Ella. She wouldn't

claim to have enjoyed it sincerely, but it'd occupied her thoughts, and for that she was grateful. Beside she'd promised Ellen to be a better mother even if she

would have to fake it. Though she hadn't needed that much faking; somehow being with her children had been easier than expected. And the joyful light that

shone in their eyes at her shown of affection warmed her. In their presence Scarlett felt appreciated and needed…

…...

"Mornin' Scarlett" Will looked up from his bowl of porridge as she entered the dining room.

"Morning. Is Suellen up?" he shook his head.

"Nope. Still sleeping"

"And that saves my day!" Scarlett exclaimed as she took seat at the table. She then fiddled for a slice of toast.

"Ya know, she's extra moody when she's in the family way"

"Oh, if being extra moody meant Suellen was expecting, by all means, this house would be filled with nothing but brats" she buttered the toast and poured herself a cup of coffee, "You know Will there's something I need to talk to you about"

"Now's as good as any time" he said before taking another huge mouthful of porridge.

"Very well. I'm going to restore Tara, Will. Papa meant to leave it for me, and now when I have the time… or less ties in Atlanta. Well, then I intend to use it" he nodded slowly; his brow furrowed.

"Restore, how?"

"Will, I appreciate everything you've done. By God, you're Tara's savor. But… we're only using a fifth part of the land"

"So you're going to seek out sharecropping?"

"Great Balls of Fire, Will. How can you even think that? Nobody's going to take share in Tara…"

"…It's not…"

"No, absolutely not. No lousy tenant will ever farm _this_ land… I intend to employ workers"

"Do ya know the amount of money? Are ya sure Rhett wants to…?"

"The money will be coming from my hand, Will. I intend to expand my businesses in Atlanta… some of the land Charles left me is still unused, and there's absolutely _no point_ in having empty land. I'm considering opening up another bar. Men never tires of drinking and if an old drunk's only purpose in life is to sit at a bar… Well, then it might as well be _my_ bar… And, I tell you Will, Atlanta sincerely needs a better hotel, well, and hat stores… Doesn't matter the Old Guard ain't rich. The railroad brings more and more people in every day, and many of them with a very nice amount of money in their pockets… You see, Will, so many possibilities… You needn't worry 'bout the money" Scarlett caught her breath while glancing at Will. Why was he looking so worried? His brows still furrowed as if he was in deep thought. "Will, really… You needn't worry, besides Suellen will properly be cheering up once you get more servants…"

"Scarlett" he said; eyes worried, voice calm, "Why now…. of all time?" he faltered for a minute, "… And why not Rhett's money?" she forced a laugh.

"You worry too much, Will, you're going to get wrinkles"

"A don't care 'bout wrinkles. Never claimed myself to be a man of beauty…" he patted his wooden leg, "This… didn't do much to improve… But a don't care 'bout dat, A care 'bout ya" Scarlett wringed under his gaze; at one point she wished to tell him everything, as she used to do, at the other point she couldn't bare the thought of putting words on her situation; it would only make it seem more real. She sighed.

"… uhm… Well, Rhett will be absent for a while. Bonnie's death's still heavy on his shoulders… and well… I might as well be making use of my time, and Tara was Pa's pride. He wouldn't want it to only be a farm. Not when it used to be a plantation…"

"All the other plantations are farms now, and you've been having a great time with the kids. Why don't ya spend some more time with 'em until Rhett returns?"  
>"I'm not going to slack on my parenting just because I'm going to open up a few more businesses"<p>

"A few more? Ya going to be a very known and talked about businesswoman if…"

"Fiddle-dee-dee, and so what? Gossip has always followed me. I don't care about it anymore. I'm going to do it, Will, you can't talk me out of it!"

"A' suppose I can't… But are ya sure yar thinking clearly?"

"Crystal clear. It's going to be grand, Will. You're going to see Tara as it used to be - a great, great plantation. Oh-oh-oh… " She clapped her hands.

…...

The wagon strolled along the red-mudded path leading up to the Fairhill Plantation. Ella and Wade were seated beside Scarlett taking in the sight of the beautiful

horses in the distant. They chitchatted lightly and Scarlett enjoyed the hymn of their calm and childish voices. Somehow they chimed in with the autumn sun

and whistle of the leaves. It reminded her of her own childhood.

"Scarlett dear" Beatrice Tarleton exclaimed when Scarlett step down from the wagon, "How good to see you, and your children as well," she looked at Ella and Wade, "How you've grown. I barely recognized the two of you. Why Ella I could take you as one of my own – with that fiery hair of yours, and Wade the resemblance between your father and yourself are simply striking" she burst out laughing, "Now, now… I bet you'd like some cake and some tea. Or is a cup of coffee more suited? You do look awfully tired, Scarlett, though you haven't aged a day since the last time we met" Scarlett smiled affected by Mrs. Tarleton's good mood.

"Well I won't say no to a cup of coffee, it would indeed be appreciated" Scarlett said. Upon that they went to the porch to retrieve the cake and the coffee.

"Had I known you'd be coming to Tara then I wouldn't have gone off to those silly visits in Birmingham," Mrs. Tarleton said, "Well, as it now seems we're going miss out one another"

"Yeah, I'm going home to Atlanta in the evening. I have to sought out some business"

"Yeah, I see. But you'll be back?" Scarlett nodded, "Good to know, Will did tell me of your plans for Tara here yesterday. They sound mighty ambitious" Scarlett frowned. She thought of all people that Mrs. Tarleton would understand her. Was she about to retrieve another lecture?

"Well, I see nothing wrong in being ambitious. If Pa was still living he would have supported me," Scarlett snapped causing Mrs. Tarleton to laugh.

"Oh, I'm glad to see that your temper haven't left you, even in such days as these. But I'm not trying to scold you, Scarlett. I don't care about the ethics of working women… No, I just wanted to ask you, if it's truly for your own good to go off to Atlanta again" was she talking about the gossip in Atlanta, or Ashley? Perhaps she'd heard of Rhett's leaving and… Scarlett was about to say something when Mrs. Tarleton put up a finger.

"Now, now… please let me finish first. What I'm trying to say is, that all of my life I've been doing what I enjoyed doing. I've been working with horses… whereof you. You've always loved Tara, and you were the one to save Tara during the war, in fact several times. But to save Tara you had to leave it…" Oh god, she was talking about her marrying Frank now. Scarlett blushed, and looked down at her feet. She didn't regret it, though that didn't make it less humiliating either. She'd stolen her sister's beau, and married him only to get hands on his money. But she'd saved Tara, and made sure that none of her folks had been starving ever since.

"Look at me, Scarlett," she looked up into Mrs. Tarleton's eyes, "It might not have been the most honorable thing you've ever done, but it saved Tara and your family. What I'm trying to say is, that to save Tara, you had to leave it. And I would hate for you to do that again. Why not stay here at Tara with the children?" funny Mrs. Tarleton didn't mentioned Rhett, Scarlett mused, "My Hetty has just become a qualified teacher. She could teach Wade and Ella… Well and then you could try out sharecropping. It'd still be your land; other farmers would only be renting it… and then you could enjoy life here in Clayton County. I know you think you're doing this for Gerald. But I must say, that I sometimes think you forget how much your father valued _you_. He would be happy just knowing you were happy," Scarlett snorted, but managed a smile afterwards. After all Mrs. Tarleton was only trying to do what she thought out best.

"I'll think about it" Scarlett replied.

…...

Scarlett entered her house on Peachtree Street. It was late in the evening, and she was tired from the ride. Her visit at Mrs. Tarleton had taken longer than

expected, as they suddenly had come to talk about the Tarleton twins, and she'd been in a horrible hurry once she returned to Tara. Her kids had seemed

saddened by her leaving, and though it was fairly selfless, then she'd felt a twinge of happiness. Her kids had come to need her, and though she still easily lost

her temper with them and she saw too much of their fathers in them, then her relationship with them had been improved sincerely. Her promise to Ellen would

be fulfilled. During her five weeks stay, Mammy had sadly not returned to Tara, which worried Scarlett. But Will had simply said, that she'd probably never

gotten the telegram, and thereof would first return in the following weeks. Scarlett hoped him to be right. Suellen had funnily not seemed happy by her leaving,

but then again Suellen was never happy these days, and perhaps Scarlett's present really didn't do so much of a different. Will on the other hand had said he'd

miss her, and wished her a good trip. He'd even bought her sweets for the ride. Yes, Will was indeed one of the best. Two servants in the grandiose hallway met

Scarlett. Her voice echoed slightly as she ordered them to fix her a tray, and bring it to the room. She would try to catch some sleep before having to talk with

Uncle Henry tomorrow and visiting the store.

…...

_The mist surrounded her; it was cold and fuggy. The dank air crept up between her skirts filling the gap between her thighs. It felt intruding as if the fog was _

_groping her. She needed to run, run away from the fog, run and run… She could only see a hand ahead of her, but nonetheless she put one foot ahead of the _

_other. The moistly air felt suffocating when she breathed, and her corset kept digging into her ribs… air was nowhere to be found. She couldn't breath. She _

_couldn't catch her breath. She couldn't see… the ground hit her; she'd fallen. Her legs had given away. Groping. The fog was groping her again together with _

_him – together with the darkie from the woods… he was ripping her dress. Exposing her. She was paralyzed. Unable to move. She screamed and screamed… but _

_no sound came out…_

Scarlett awoke with a silent scream. Tears descended from her eyes, she was bathed in sweat and the sheets clang to her skin. Her entire body shook, and she

stifled a sub. The memories blended with her nightmare kept visualizing itself for her eyes, and it felt as if his hands were still on her body. Groping her. The

darkie had never come to rape her, but Scarlett still remembered the feeling of his hands on her body, the eagerness in him when he tore her dress open, and

then the course of events that'd followed. Franks death. Ashley being shot. The Yankees. The trial. Her act of surprise by discovering the body of her dead

husband. The body of her husband, Frank, lying there stiff and white in a pool of blood. She needed a drink, something strong to erase the memories and calm

her nerves. She rose from the bed with a feeling of relief as she let go of the moistly and clinging sheets, and felt the cool air of her bedroom embrace her

instead. Not bothering to find her robe she descended the stairs dressed only in her corset. She was alone in her big monument of a house, and she would

rather avoid having a heavy robe surround her body after her suffocating nightmare. Everything was oddly quit - her bare feet running the floor was the only

sound, and it was oddly dark as well – only a lamp in the hallway was lit. Scarlett reached the living room, and went to the drinks cabinet. She sat down and

poured herself a drink. Why had she ever thought this house could be called a home? It was too grandiose in daylight and too glomming in the dark. Once when

it'd been filled with the laughter of her children and Rhett it hadn't looked as cold as it did now – empty of love and people. They'd concealed the fact that the

house only served as a statue of her wealth... Another drink went down, and Scarlett relaxed with the well-known feeling of doziness and warmth… She had to

do something with this huge pile of rocks and carpet that reeked of bad memories. The sour words that'd been said in this house seemed to echo in the silence…

She poured another drink…. Why she could do as she'd written to Rhett - make the house into a brothel. The look on his face would be all the effort worth,

though of course this was only musing thoughts. If Scarlett made the house into a brothel no one, with absolutely no exception, would talk to her or buy her

goods. The Kennedy Store would go bust, and she'd have no money for the restore of Tara… a fourth drink went down… But she _could_ make use of the house in

a business-like manner, and have her kids placed at Tara just as Mrs. Tarleton had suggested… a fifth drink went down… Why the house didn't even feel cold

anymore. That was indeed strange, perhaps it had something to do with the servants. But my, she'd send them home. Hadn't she? Oh never mind… a sixth drink

went down… Oh it was awfully quit in here. So very quit she could hear her own breathing. It sounded… detached and uneven… a little hoarse… Another drink…

She felt as if the silence was creeping up upon her, just like the mist had done it in her dream. Oh why had she ever postponed herself into staying alone in this

enormous house? If only Rhett was… No she wouldn't think about him. She had to pull herself together. This was ridiculous. Scarlett O'hara being afraid at the

sound of her own breathing… another drink… That was better. Her nerves were calm again. She fiddled once more for the bottle and was surprised to find it

almost empty.

"Straaaangeee…" she murmured. Then she heard it – a long dragged squeak followed by heavy boots. Oh my, someone was intruding. The previous pictures of

groping hands filled her vision and caused her body to tense as if preparing to fight. They had to have a gun, didn't they? Where was the sound of boots coming

from? It was distant yet increasing… and if the intruder hadn't entered through the front door, then it had to be the kitchen door. He would be in the kitchen

now. Damn it she wouldn't be able to reach the top floor then. Now, where did they keep a gun? Scarlett rose from the desk, and tiptoed over to the

bookshelves. She stretched to reach the upper shelf, and – as remembered, behind a pitcher lay the gun. As her fingers seized hold of the gun, she heard the

heavy footsteps entering the hallway. Her heart was pounding so fiercely that she was afraid it would pop out of her chest. On tiptoes with the gun in her hands

she made her way to the double doors between the hallway and the living room. She leaned against the wall beside the open door. His footstep came closer and

closer. She could hear his breath – hoarse but calm… As if it was an everyday-business raping women. He was there now, right beside the door. Scarlett caught

her breath, and emerged from her cover.

"Your filthy cad! Stay where you are or I'll shot ya" Scarlett said with a voice far more calm than she felt. She pointed the gun towards the man's frame that'd

frozen at her words. His face was in shadows, but somehow his frame seemed familiar. Broad shoulders…

"Not the welcome I'd imagined, my pet," the man said, and Scarlett recognized him. It was Rhett…


End file.
